Why I quit my job!

1. I did not want to rent out my brain anymore. I wanted to occupy it myself. Sunday October 22, 2006 – 07:55pm (PST)

For the first two decades of my life the world had exclusive rights to programming my brain.

For the next two decades, I rented it out to universities and corporates: for money.

For what I think will be the last or maybe third  two decades of my life… I want to exclusive rights to my brain.

What I think and and what I think about.

All I want to do is to think, read, and write for my own pleasure, to be free…

 

My deepest fear! Courtesy : http://jaggedsmile.wordpress.com

 

2. I am a runaway person! I get chased out! I want to be my own person! I recognise my choices and exercise my options.  Saturday October 7, 2006 – 09:28pm (PST)

Krishna was called a RanChod. After getting sick of repeated attacks by Jarasandha, Krishna built an island city : Dwaraka. He moved there with all his subjects. How is this relevant to me? A close friend recently said that I ‘run away’. There is some truth in this. I have frequently though of myself as the runaway bride. I have ‘run away from’ or ‘left’  relationships, places and jobs.

The other less apparent truth is that I am chased out. When I fell in love, he was in all manner of problems. I stuck by him through all that. He began to love me also and we did get married. When all his problems were solved and he was properly re-instated with his parents, the equations changed. His parents wanted domination, though he did not. I resisted domination, which Indian women are not expected to do. They became my foes. They made my life difficult. The choice was between subordination, daily power struggle or leaving. I left them. And I left him with them. My independent spirit will not accept domination. I assert my rights. My desire for harmony does not like the daily power struggle that my in-laws, colleagues or parents want. My talent and courage ensures that I have choices. The choice I exercise is leaving. I know that the story will repeat in a new place.

 

Running Away : Courtesy http://jaggedsmile.wordpress.com

1. The first moment is when a peer tries to co-erce or dominate me: as has happened recently at college in my new job. I resisted by escalating to the authority. This incident is sorted out and I am free of this.
2. The next moment is retaliation. Now that thwarted guy will wait to retaliate. His manner can be a series of minor irritants and barbs OR intelligent chess moves. My previous manager played a discrediting game where he talked all around and up and said that the successes of my team were not because of me. I can be worn out by barbs and I do not have the stomach or the brains to play organizational chess.
3. I start to look for alternatives, the next place to go to. In my leaving, is a confidence that the organization or person will have more to lose than I will. This is because I am, a giving and a serving kind of a person. I work very hard and love very deeply. I am also self-denying and can live on very little.
4. I have worked well with managers and peers who have no need to dominate. I relate to friends, relatives and people who have no need for domination or one-upmanship.
5. I can live without sugar. But I cannot live with red ants. So, I move. I try to surf on that part of the curve between polite newness and the start of the dog-fights. I try to do as much as I can in that short time frame. I try to keep that time frame long, by keeping a low profile for the time possible. I win some respect and some love. I make and keep some friends. And I move!

3. Do all stable people benefit all systems? Monday July 31, 2006 – 10:06pm (PST)

‘Stability’ and the system: People preach to me about being stable in a job: more so since I returned to the software industry.

The system in organisations is designed to favour long-termers. For eg. in I&D, if you join as a manager, you are weaker in the politics, in position. Of the incentive pool that is available, less is given to the new comers, it is harder to get projects. You are trying hard to deliver, to belong, to get noticed, to build relationships. The organisation is at the same time trying to weed out “lower contributors”. The persons who join new are given less to do and need to figure out how to contribute more. If they succeed in contributing more, they are subject to political conspiracies.

I have contributed significantly more in the short durations that I have been in any organisation, than people who have politicked and “aligned” their ways into long term stays in organisations. I have proved time and again that duration has little to with contribution, I guess that is just a HR thing. People who have no other way of judging the value that a person brings to the organisation, use principles like this and make statements like that.

Resigning: Did I resign because I failed., or did I fail because I resigned? Or did I resign because I won over my self., or did I win because I resigned…