It appears to me that everyone is looking for a groove to fit into., or multiple grooves of possible., to channel their time.
To learn – you have to “do a course – or a PhD”. To work you have to find a job. To sing you must join a group and to exercise you must join a club. To mate you must be in a marriage. That also seems to be the only way you can find humans to interact with. Because everyone else is in a groove.
Each groove has its attendant ups and downs, hardships and rewards and its effect on your personality – on what you are and what you become, how you look, what you wear, how you view yourself and how others view you…. all the rest of it.
Right now I have no groove, nothing that dictates or decides what I do with my day.
There are no demands on my time. I get up when I like, eat what I like and do what I like.
My health places some constraints on me – on what and how much I can eat .
There are a few duties like taxes and so forth but not too many.
It is a little late in the day, by the time I breakfast and bathe and I would have read the paper by then. I make my own cup of coffee in the morning.
Evenings are spent with the television watching Sitcoms. And bed-time reading is Agatha Christie’s Hercules Poirot.
So the only question is what do I do during the day?
There is at least one game of scrabble involved, may be a TV movie or a story book or a phone chat with a friend. Or some trivial duty like renewing a library book.
Maybe a little introspection and a little writing. I am fairly regular with this blog and I wrote a story for my web-site.
After 3 weeks I am not bored. I am very happy on healthy days and very sad when I am in pain. My back does cause me a lot of pain.
I do not miss or desire any groove and like these formless days. I know that most people cant stand it. They create routines and live by the clock. Once my dad is here, I know he will get on my case.
Once I read this sentence. “When I was a child, I always had a pocket full of days that I could spend as I like. Now I am a pauper for time.”
Well, now I feel rich again. I can spend time as I like, more or less, and do not have to fill a time sheet for any manager to approve.
A lot of people measure life by activity and achievement. They are happiest when they lose themselves completely in some activity. I am the happiest when I have nothing on my hands that demands to be done. No demands , no interruptions. I am happy to sit in a swing in my balcony in my old tattered clothes and look at sheep grazing and birds flying.
I am happy to be aware of every moment as I pass through it. I am alive when I am conscious of the moment, when I am doing nothing.
Wednesday June 27, 2007 – 09:04am (IST)
