Death Penalty and Suicide

In India Death Penalty is reserved for the worst criminal offenders.

And yet year after year, young boys and girls kill themselves over shame about exam results, insecurity, love affairs and what have you.

What makes someone ‘sentence’ themselves to death?

In my case the one who has given birth to me makes me want to kill myself and the one to whom I have given birth makes me want to live, survive, succeed. That in itself is a bit ironical, given that my baby and I could have died during my delivery. The doctor decided to do a caesarian after many hours and we were both safe and sound.

Once I wanted to kill myself as a teenager when I fell in love and success looked impossible. Then I decided to propose to the guy and woo him instead. I succeeded in marrying the chap 4 years down the line after persuading all manner of folks including him. All I had to do was let go of the rule that women should not propose to men. The story of Rukmini and Parvathi gave me a lot of support. So I proposed without loss of dignity, my self-respect intact.

Once I wanted to die when my marriage to the said bloke ended, but my little one asked me to drink amrutham (nectar that gives you immortality – non-death) and live forever. So I promised him that I would never die without his permission. And of course Shah Rukh Khan and Sahaj Marg came in handy, one to make me laugh and one to fill me with peace. But it was my little one who gave me the purpose.

Of course sinus headaches and back pains reduce the will to live and so do cruelty and ridicule. In fact the way I used to recognise sinus headaches was if I felt that there was no solution to my life’s problems except death. Then a Cinaryl would control the pain and bring sunshine back into my life. And all my problems would look handleable.

Why does my mom make me want to kill myself? Because she makes me feel hopeless. her nature, nurture, situation, values and stance towards me make me feel that I have no way out except death. She sets boundary conditions to complex problems where the only solution is the trivial one – death.

And the love of my life, my little one, feels secure only with my parents, specially with my father. So I have to live and live here.

So it is hopelessness that makes one wish for death. This is not the courage with which Bhagat Singh died for Indian independence. That was not suicide, that was sacrifice of the most valuable thing he had for his highest goal. I would stand up and salute such people, as I would those who defend my country and her freedom. That is heroic. That is spirited. That is different.

Suicide is about hopelessness. About not seeing a way out. About being trapped. That is what I see in the farmers and students who kill themselves everyday. To save them, we need to give them hope. They need to be talked to, supported, given hope, preferably not false hope, but even that if necessary. They need to see solutions. They need to see that inflicting death upon themselves will not make life better for those who are driving them to it.

Most farmers are killing themselves for monetary reasons. They are hopelessly in debt. You and I know that an economic system which drives food creators into debt is totally messed up. You and I know that we cant make economic policy. But there are a bunch of guys who are organizing micro credit for farmers and rural folks. So some solutions do exist.

If you feel your ‘naak kat gaya’ (nose is cut) for not celebrating an ill-affordable daughter’s wedding… so be it.. kat jaane do (let it be cut). So what?

If all you can do is beg, do that. This country feeds beggars, stray cows, dogs and crows. This country will feed you. There are enough generous people or at least enough sinners who want to buy a place in heaven.

But Live. Don’t sentence your self to death.

And if you are student and you failed your exams, or didn’t get a seat in some stupid course, or whatever else, so what?

There is a girl who got great marks but the crooked guys in control cheated her out of her seat. She killed herself. She did everything right, the crooks did everything wrong, but she gave herself the death penalty. She could have fought, given up studying, even spat on their name plates if she had no capacity for anything else. But she felt hopeless.

At the risk of being pains in the neck, I think parents should not leave their kids alone on results day for a split second. And keep discussing various options and fall back plans with those under stress. Talk of other courses, taking a year off, trying again. And if you have friends who failed at first and succeeded later, tell your children about them.

Teach them a little detachment and a little sprituality.

Don’t attach too great a value to success or too little a value to failure. Sometimes failure is better than success. It is good to fail. It is great to fail. It means you tried something very difficult.

People will look down on you, not because you are no good, but because they have a desperate need to look down on someone and feel better about themselves. Let them! Others are welcome to think you are a paper clip, but you stay on your side, you love and support yourself, never lose regard for yourself. Publish your failures and flaws in a news paper full page ad. No one can touch you.

8 year old boys are selling greens and supporting their families. You can too. Survival is easy, death is unecessary. Suicides are caused by stupid values. Express your anger, fight your foes, die fighting if you must! But don’t kill yourself.

Like my grandfather used to say – “for a 100 crore problems – there are infinite crore solutions”.

Monday July 30, 2007 – 01:28pm (IST)